Let me start this out by saying that when this is posted it will be October 5^th. If you want to participate in Sober October but already drank this month, DO NOT let that be an excuse to not join the club – it’s not too late! Start now. Add on however many days to the end to make it the full 31 days. I was the queen of excuses, and I can picture myself now: seeing something about Sober October on October 5^th and thinking to myself “damn, that would have been a great idea. Too bad I missed the boat.” I am now removing that excuse for anyone reading this 😉.

In my humble opinion, October is the best month of the year. Not just saying that because it’s my birth month, but mostly saying that because it’s my birth month. And all things fall. And the NC State Fair. And Halloween. It’s just the best. I used to think all these things meant all the opportunities to drink, but experiencing it sober is actually so so so much better. I have peppered in some of my favorite memories/pictures from last October (and my first Sober October) to this post.

Already participating in Sober October? Awesome! If this is your first time doing a dry month, you’re probably feeling pretty proud of yourself for getting through your first few days, but as the weekend creeps closer, you’re growing more and more anxious. The best advice I can give for proactively fighting off the urge to say “fuck it” is to:

1. Make the decision to not drink without questioning it or leaving the door open. Saying things like “well, I will do most of the month but I have this party at the end of the month, so I will just do it until the 27^th” is also giving yourself permission to say “well, I wasn’t going to be able to do the entire month anyway, so I may as well just have a few drinks tonight while I am out with the girls.” Make a decision and stick to it. Don’t question it. Don’t give yourself an out. You can do hard fucking things. Make a promise to yourself and stick to it. You will be so happy, and it will boost your confidence so much, if you can just own this decision and see it through.

2. Prepare for your own self-sabotaging thoughts/actions. You know yourself. You know the excuses you tell yourself when you’re feeling your weakest. For me, it was normally related to social activities or stress. “The neighbors will think we’re lame if we don’t have Jell-O shots to give out along-side the kids candy.” “I need some liquid courage in order to walk in this party in this corset and wig.” “This has been the longest week at work. I deserve to relax with a glass of wine on a Friday night.” “It is FINALLY red wine drinking season! I need a sweater and a glass of red after sweating my balls off all summer.” Be prepared for all the things you know you’ll try to convince yourself of and have a response/rebuttal ready. Write them down if you need to, or even better, say them out loud to someone else. Telling your friends or your partner in advance will help hold you accountable in the moment. Trust me, I have told Korey about plans of mine many times and we have gotten in many arguments when he has reminded me of my true feelings in my moments of weakness 😉. Not saying you’re going to want the voice of reason, but you will be glad for it after the crisis is averted.

3. Always have a back-up plan. If you know you’re going to be stressed and ready for a drink at the end of the week, plan something else fun instead. Lately, I have been going to get my nails done on Friday afternoons. This allows me to de-stress and “treat myself” after a long week and doesn’t lead to me staying awake until 4 am, chain smoking cigarettes by myself, OR missing my kid’s soccer game the next day due to crippling anxiety. What a win! Worried that you won’t be able to get through the neighborhood Halloween party without alcohol? Either start Googling spooky, fun mocktail recipes NOW, or if you really don’t think you can do it, plan to sit it out this year. There’s no law that says you must accept every invitation. If staying sober is important to you and you don’t feel strong enough to be surrounded by alcohol after only a few weeks of not drinking, then stay home. You may feel lonely or FOMO (fear of missing out) in the moment, but I promise you won’t regret it in the morning while you’re enjoying your fresh cup-a-joe at 7am and everyone else is still trying to piece together the night before at noon.

My biggest hurdle any time I did sober challenges like Sober October, Dry January, etc. was that I got bored and thought the only thing that could fill that void was alcohol. For that reason, I put together this list of things you can do to fill your time instead of boozing this month. Reference it when you’re having a weak moment or if you’re just running out of ideas of ways to stay busy during your drinking hiatus.

1. Read a book – make this fun and pick a fun book to read at the same time as your partner or your mom or your friends. This doesn’t have to be you sitting alone in the corner reading a book. Form a mini book club for the month and get together weekly to talk about what you’ve read.

2. Cook – the change of seasons is always a fun time to try new recipes. Find some new, fun, fall recipes using your favorite foods or spend some time creating your own delicious fall recipes.

3. Watch a movie – there are so many classic Halloween movies that are fun to re-watch or watch for the first time with your kiddos – Hocus Pocus and Casper are two of my favorites 😉.

4. Take a nap.

5. Do some spooky or fall crafts – with or without kids, Google some fun fall craft ideas, go to the store to get the supplies you need, and then spend some time being creative!

6. Bake – it’s one of the best times of the year to bake! Make all the pumpkin and apple everything. Take the goodies to friends or neighbors or to work if you don’t need/want them around the house. The smell around the house, the fun process in itself, the photographic evidence of your hard work, and the first few bites are all worth it!

7. Pumpkin patches, fall festivals, apple orchards – there are so many fun, family friendly activities this time of year. Go to all the things. Just walking around outside and being around other people is therapeutic.

8. Research and create mocktails – craving a cocktail or have a social event coming up where you’d like to have a fun cocktail in your hand? Research some fun fall mocktails and spend some time crafting your recipe!

9. Get your nails done/get a massage/get a facial – treat yo’ self!

10. Eat candy!

11. Grab coffee with friends – so many yummy fall flavors out there if you’re a basic white girl like me who is a sucker for fall everything.

12. Try a new workout – new gym across the street you’ve spotted but haven’t checked out yet? Go for it!

13. Try meditation – you can’t do it wrong. There are so many apps out there to help beginners too – Insight Timer, Calm, Headspace, even Spotify has some good ones.

14. Have a game night – invite friends to make it a thing, only do it with your kids and make their week, or just play some scrabble with your partner.

15. Journal – write about how Sober October is going so far and what you’ve struggled with vs. what has come easy. How are you feeling? What are you thinking?

16. Have sex – with your partner, with yourself, with a stranger. Not here to judge. Whatever tickles your fancy, just do it.

17. Volunteer at an organization you love or want to learn more about

18. Re-organize a space in your home – dig in to that long to-do list you’ve been adding to for months and actually do something about it! Clean out the basement, purge the clothes in your closet, clean out the kids’ toys and take the old ones to Goodwill. Put on some good music and just do it. You will feel so accomplished after.

19. Be a tourist in your city – it’s funny how when we go to visit other cities, we do all the touristy things but we never do those same things in our own city.

20. Listen to a podcast or swap podcast recommendations with a friend – they listen to your recommendation, and you listen to theirs. This is a good way to discover new podcasts you may not have found otherwise.

These are just a few ideas off the top of my head. The trick here is staying busy when you feel out of control, but also taking some time for yourself if you’re feeling stressed out. We use alcohol to numb lots of uncomfortable feelings like social anxiety, stress, loneliness, or boredom, so go into this expecting to feel those things. Let yourself feel those uncomfortable feelings and then react accordingly. This isn’t about avoiding any feelings or burying your head in the sand.  It’s about learning how different situations make you feel, acknowledging those feelings, and then making an informed decision about what to do next, alcohol not included.

I know it can be hard to talk to people about drinking or sobriety related things. If you want ideas from someone or just someone to talk to while you’re taking a booze hiatus, I am your girl. I will never judge you if we chat now and then I see you out drinking next month. I will never discuss anything we talk about with any other human. I am a safe space and an open book. I hope that just by me sharing my story, I can help others feel not so alone, but I am also open to talking! DMs are open 😉

Happy Sober October to all those who celebrate!!

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