Wellness is more than just fitness. If you Google “wellness,” you will get all sorts of different results. My favorite definition and the one that speaks to me the most is “wellness is the act of practicing healthy habits on a daily basis to attain better physical and mental health outcomes, so that instead of just surviving, you’re thriving.” I think the topic of wellness is something that should be taught in grade school. Why is it that most people don’t even become aware of the idea or concept of overall wellness until they are well into their 20s, 30s, or 40s? Obviously, it’s never too late to start on a wellness journey, but MAN I think about all the obstacles and crazy shit I had to go through in my teens and twenties that I would have been SO much more equipped to handle had I been prioritizing my overall health and wellness at that time. I was always so focused on surface level shit, like losing 10 lbs. to be able to squeeze into my “date dress” that I never once stopped to think about my brain or my heart. We are all so focused on surviving the highly competitive, over-stimulating, dog-eat-dog culture that is America, that it never occurs to us to take a second or a breath to think about how we’re feeling or how we could be making things harder on ourselves. We are over-complicating this thing called life by constantly self-sabotaging. All of us! I am still learning. Every single day. I have had eye-opening, jaw-dropping, epiphany-creating, lightbulb moments literally daily since I started on my wellness journey, and I know I will continue to learn and have these life-changing realizations forever. By no means do I have all this figured out, but I have come a LONG way since I started, and I wanted to share with you five lessons I have learned so far that have completely contradicted what I THOUGHT I knew.

1. There is no ONE thing that will make you happy.

What I thought I knew: I thought that there was some secret formula that happy or skinny or rich people had. I thought I was one magic trick or diet pill or certification or promotion away from figuring it all out. Like if I could just reach that one goal, everything in my life would fall in to place. The one thing seemed to change and fluctuate over time, but my mindset stayed the same – “once I get X, I will be happy.” When I was in high school, my thing was getting accepted to a good college. Once I was in college, it was graduating and getting a job. Once I graduated and had a job, it was getting married. Once I was married, it was having kids. Once I had kids, I realized I had nothing to look forward to anymore 😉. LOL this is a joke, calm down mom… My point is that society tells us that in order to be happy we should have a life that looks certain way, and it should involve a white picket fence. I spent pretty much my whole life working towards the “American Dream” and just trusting and having faith that one day all my hard work would pay off and I would wake up one day, jump out of bed, and skip off to work in my blissful perfect life. All of this is complete bullshit.

What I have learned: This picture-perfect life that we are all sold on as kids by watching movies or television or reading magazines is all just that – it’s a picture. And it’s not true. Can you have the job and the marriage and the kids and still be happy? Abso-fucking-lutely. But having these things is not what’s going to MAKE you happy. And you can be incredibly happy and have a fulfilling and joyful life without any of those things too. Chasing happiness shouldn’t be the goal, because you will spend your entire life chasing something that you may never reach. Our goal should be chasing joyful moments. Find the things that bring you joy every day and do those things. The secret to living a happy life isn’t constantly reaching for that next thing, it’s building a life that brings you joy every day. So often we are so busy focusing on the next milestone or the next goal that we forget to enjoy today.

Let’s say you love to make candles, that’s your thing and it brings you joy every time you do it. You could spend the next six months of your life working 12-15 hour days and telling yourself that you need to put the candle making on hold for a while so you can focus on work. “Just push through another six months and the promotion is yours.” But then you get the promotion and realize the new job requires more hours, more responsibility, and more stress. You wake up five years later and realize you haven’t made a damn candle in six years, you’re 50 lbs. overweight from stress eating, you have an alcohol dependency from trying to escape your work stress every day, and you haven’t gotten laid in a year. Stop chasing the next best thing and enjoy the shit that makes you happy. Now!

2.  Prioritizing your mental health is crucial.

What I thought I knew: I really didn’t know anything about mental health if I am being honest. I thought that the term mental health was reserved for people who had “mental problems” due to shitty childhoods or traumatic events or a serious diagnosis and should be talked about with a professional.

What I have learned: Mental health is something every single person is responsible for and should be focusing on. Mental health includes our emotional, psychological, and social well-being. Someone that makes their mental health a priority is likely better at stress management and controlling how they think, feel, act, and respond to situations. The older we get, the more stressful our lives become. Everyone deals with stress differently but those with a good focus on their mental health are likely able to cope in a more healthy and sustainable way than those with no attention to mental health. There are a million different strategies for prioritizing your mental health but some of the simple things you can do every day to keep your mental health in tip-top shape include drinking plenty of water, making sleep a priority, practicing gratitude, implementing a meditation or breathwork practice, getting regular exercise, and practicing self-care.

3. There is no finish line.

What I thought I knew: I ALWAYS saw my physical fitness and diet plan as a journey with a very definitive start and end date. “If I start on Monday and go hard core with no cheat days for 8 weeks then I should be able to lose 15 lbs. before my trip in April.” If I was starting something on Monday, I was eating all the things and being lazy as hell for every second before Monday. There was absolutely no concept of making healthy choices while on vacation. I was always focused on doing as much as I could as quickly as I could so that I could be done and “enjoy myself” afterwards. I don’t know why it never occurred to me that if I went balls-to-the-wall after I was “finished,” that I would end up right back where I started, or worse 😊.

What I have learned: The whole key here is implementing a lifestyle rather than a super strict diet or workout plan. Things like eliminating entire food groups or drastically cutting calories or only drinking juice or working out twice a day aren’t sustainable and aren’t things that you can build a lifestyle around. Let me be clear that I see nothing wrong with setting goals or making different types of choices based on the phase of life you are in (maintenance, cut, bulk, etc.) but the concept of having this big finish line and being done with concentrating on your fitness or nutrition is not a thing. The goal is to make nutrition and fitness a pillar of your life, so you are constantly learning and adapting and focusing on making these things a priority. It’s supposed to be fun rather than something you must commit to for X amount of time and if you can find a way to make that mindset shift, it will change everything.

4. Food is medicine.

What I thought I knew: I have always seen food as bad. Some food was worse than other food, but I always saw food as calories and that all calories were bad. Any time I wanted to lose weight I focused on eating as little as possible and whether my calories were coming from fruits or vegetables or Big Macs or French fries, the goal was always to eat as little as possible if I wanted to lose weight or “be healthy.”

What I have learned: YOUR BODY NEEDS FOOD. The shame that we have associated with eating is not okay. I remember going to parties or on dates and it was always assumed that the girls didn’t eat. What the fuck is that shit? One thing that blew my mind was when I learned that many people on a weight loss journey find themselves plateauing because they aren’t eating ENOUGH calories. Your body needs food and if you can find the right ratio of macronutrients to feed it every day, that’s even better. Now I am focused less on what I can’t eat and more on what I SHOULD eat. I still track my calories but now it’s to make sure I am getting the right food IN to my diet, rather than making sure I don’t go over a certain number of calories. 

5. Alcohol doesn’t fit in to the equation, no matter how hard you try to make it.

What I thought I knew: I thought I could make it work. I saw plenty of people living seemingly healthy lives without giving up their wine or beer habit. I tried literally hundreds of ways to try to make it work. I would constantly lose 2 lbs. during the week and then gain it back plus some on the weekend. And I hated myself every time. I thought I was the problem.

What I have learned: I found myself Googling things like “how to lose weight and still drink alcohol.” Eventually I had to look at the facts for what they were. If I so desperately wanted to lose weight and I knew deep down I couldn’t lose weight without quitting alcohol, yet still wasn’t able to pull the trigger on not drinking, then I was basically deciding that alcohol was more important than losing weight. That thought scared the shit out of me. I finally figured out that both was not an option. I had to quit the booze, or I had to be fat forever. Once I came to terms with that and figured out which was more important, it became easier. Obviously, this is very specific to me and if you think you’re someone who can do both, more power to you. I’m just sharing my personal journey and my truth.

With this all said, it’s still worth pointing out that everyone’s wellness plan is going to look different. It’s personal and it takes some trial and error to figure out what combination you need to make yourself feel your best, both mentally and physically. Don’t rush to find the perfect recipe! Have fun taking your time and trying different things. Learn your own lessons and share them with others like I’ve done today 😊.

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