So, you’ve made the decision that you’d like to attempt exploring a life or a month or a Saturday night without alcohol. Congrats on any of those choices. First and foremost, this is your journey and you don’t owe anyone shit. Not the truth. Not the sugar-coated answer they want to hear. Not a story. Not your future plans. Not. Shit. No matter how much people press you for more details or more information or more plans, you share what you want to share, when you want to share it, with who you want to share it with. This is a personal, deep, eye-opening, epiphany of an experience that is absurdly different for every single person. Some people may want to share their story with the world while it’s unfolding in real-time because it helps them hold themselves accountable. Some people may hide in their house for six months, speaking to no one because they don’t know how to function in the world without alcohol. Both of these options are okay. Nothing about this journey is comfortable, so this is all about finding what makes you feel the least uncomfortable and holding on tight. This is your story and you can share it however you want. Don’t let anyone tell you any differently.

I had many stints of sobriety and I handled them all a little differently. I made some mistakes (lots of mistakes). I did lots of things right. Every time I went somewhere with alcohol or had a discussion with someone about alcohol, I learned from it. Here are some of the things I learned along the way.

Here’s The Spiel….

1. Have a plan. And a back-up plan. If you’re going to be in an environment where you would normally drink, have a plan for how you’re going to handle the situation, and a plan for when your original plan goes awry 😉. Think ahead about who will be there, what situations you may find yourself in, and role-play in your mind how you’ll respond to different situations. Stick to your plan(s) relentlessly. If you really want to stay sober, then the worst thing you can do is go into a situation like this and leave that door open. I know this because I was the QUEEN of this. “If I leave the door slightly ajar, then no one can be mad or surprised if I kick it wide the fuck open!”

Leaving the door open could sound like “I’m not planning to drink tonight, but in case I change my mind I guess it makes sense to Uber to the concert so I don’t have to worry about driving home,” or “I don’t like beer so I’m sure going to a brewery won’t be a problem” (enter wine being served at a brewery and all the excuses). If you don’t have a plan then even if you go into a situation with the best intentions, the minute someone asks you why you’re not drinking, you will panic and drink. Alcohol is used (incorrectly) for lots of different reasons, a big one for people being to ease social anxiety. If you find yourself in an even remotely awkward situation, you will turn to alcohol to make it feel less uncomfortable.

2. Say it in advance. This will not always be possible because of course we find ourselves in situations with alcohol in places we wouldn’t expect all the time, but in most situations, this is possible. You don’t have to get a guest list for the wedding and reach out to every single guest two weeks before the big event to let them know you’re not drinking. No one cares that much. Instead, do this in a way that makes sense for you. If you have a couple of close friends or family members who are going to be at a gathering with you, just give them the heads-up. I have found that telling people in advance has two huge benefits:

• It adds accountability. If you tell someone who is going to be at the party that you’re not planning to drink, then you will think twice about changing your mind because you know that person will have to watch you go back on your word.

• It makes it less awkward in the moment. Call me a millennial (accurate) but in-person conflict is not my strong suit. Turning the Jell-O shot down while it’s in your hand and all your friends are standing around anxiously awaiting your cheers is not the ideal time to say “well actually, I am not drinking tonight.” Trust me. I have done it. And then changed my mind and taken the shot anyway because I couldn’t stand the discomfort of the situation.

3. You don’t have to tell the truth. For some people, especially if you’re early on in your “sober-curious” journey, admitting to wanting to take a break from alcohol can feel really scary. It can feel like admitting to something you’re not ready to discuss or putting a label on yourself you’re not ready to have, which may make you worry about judgement from others. This is why, if you are new on your journey and you want to see what it feels like to experience an event without alcohol or a Sunday morning without a hangover (HEAVEN btw), then it is absolutely acceptable to lie your ass off. There are literally a million different options. “I just started taking a new medication and can’t have alcohol with it;” “I have to leave early to pick my kids up from a sleepover;” “I am on a weight loss journey and already blew my daily calories on the pizza I had for lunch;” “I think I may be pregnant;” “I am so hungover from last night that I can’t even think about alcohol.” Literally anything. It doesn’t need to be true, it just needs to keep you sober.

I am by no means saying that you should have any shame associated with your sobriety. This is something that should be celebrated and sung from the mountain-tops when you are ready! That’s the only way we change the stigma associated with sobriety. BUT, that is too much for some people right away and the idea that you have to always wear a sober crown proudly or else drown yourself in alcohol, and that there’s no in-between, is what stops so many people from experiencing this incredible life on the other side.

Lie if you need to in order to stay sober. Then wake up the next morning, celebrate the bliss that comes with clear-headed Sunday mornings, and calmly explain to your friends that no one died, they didn’t call their ex, and you’re not sure who paid for the pizza because they ordered it after you left 😉.

4. You don’t have to broadcast it. When I was first experimenting with sobriety, I thought that any time I didn’t have a drink in my hand, it was like there was a neon sign over my head saying “this girl isn’t drinking!” Turns out, that wasn’t true. When you’ve been thinking about your drinking for a long time, you start to become really self-conscious of it, even if no one else has even noticed. You can start to become obsessed with how much you drink when other people really don’t notice or care. Pour yourself a kombucha in a solo cup or a non-alcoholic beer in a pint glass and 9 times out of 10, people don’t even notice. Of course, there are times when it could come up – “oh let me try your drink,” or “what are you drinking nowadays?” – but refer to number 1 and have a plan for this scenario. My point is if you want to broadcast it to the party, do it.  But you don’t have to. You can fly under the radar and blend in without it being a big deal. People care SO MUCH LESS about your drinking than you think they do. As long as you’re not taking their booze from them, they don’t really give a shit.

5. You don’t need to label it. Here’s something you should understand – people will become obsessed with your sobriety once you come out about it. Some because they’re genuinely happy for you. Some because they want to do it themselves and need you to pave the way for them. Some because they have questions about their own drinking and need to distinguish the “difference” between you so they can continue to justify their own drinking. No matter the scenario, lots of people will try to put you in a box.

“How long has it been since you drank?” “How long do you plan to go without drinking?” “Are you never drinking again?” “Are you an alcoholic?” “How bad did it get for you to make the decision to stop?” “How much were you drinking?” The questions never stop, and that’s okay. Take it as a compliment. You’re making what is considered a “radical life choice” by not drinking and it will shock some people. Remind yourself that you may be the first sober person these people have encountered, and this is your chance to set an example. But don’t let them put you in any box that you’re not ready to be in.

“I don’t know” or “none of your damn business” are both PERFECTLY reasonable responses to every single question above. Personally, I originally committed to going a year without alcohol and that’s it. I told people my plan was to go a year without it and see how I felt afterwards. If I wanted to drink again, I would. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t. Again, you don’t owe anyone anything. Share what you feel comfortable sharing and no more.

The Bottom Line

In short, I’d like to say fuck what anyone else thinks about your decision to step away from alcohol. Whether it be a long-term decision, a decision for the weekend, or somewhere in between, it doesn’t matter. Alcohol is the only drug in the world that we feel like we must justify not doing. Can you imagine walking into a work happy hour and saying something like “sorry, no cocaine for me this afternoon” and having people QUESTION IT?! It’s absurd. Anyway, I digress… Make the decisions you want to make and say it how you want to say it. Or don’t say it at all. Whatever floats your boat.

**Subscribe below to receive my Wellness Plan Daily Checklist to help you WIN the day, every day!