I never had an “ah-ha” moment or a time the light bulb went off that I should stop drinking. It was more of a gradual realization with lots of small clues along the way. I tried short stints of sobriety and lots of moderation rules for a couple of years to try to control it, but I always ended up right back where I started. I do remember the specific moment when I finally accepted that I needed to take a long hiatus from my drinking career and do something more drastic than just a “dry January” or a “sober October.” I had been fighting that idea for a long while, not wanting to accept that I needed to go longer than 30 or 90 days to really see the changes I wanted so badly. This particular moment was actually Easter Sunday, 2021. At this time, I had gone just shy of two months without drinking. We were headed to the beach for the weekend and I was feeling really good and clear-headed and confident in my decision to not drink, but hadn’t closed the door completely (first mistake 😉). I didn’t have a solid plan for the weekend but I definitely went in to it hoping to stay strong and not drink. Korey had gone awhile not drinking as well and went into the weekend very open to the idea of drinking a few beers but not over-doing it if he felt like that’s what he wanted to do. You see… the idea of him having a few beers and not over-doing it was actually a realistic expectation. He was always good at setting a goal for himself and sticking to it. Me… not so much. 

The first night, we stayed sober, went to bed early, and felt really good in general. Then Saturday night came and someone suggested a group of us go up to the bar while the littles stayed home with their grandparents. Off we went and I found myself salivating at the thought of an ice-cold glass of Sauvignon Blanc. I thought “I don’t have the kids with me, I am on vacation, and I have been really good the past couple of months. I DESERVE to treat myself to a glass if I really want one.” I asked Korey to order me a glass. We were in front of other people so he didn’t question me and embarrass me in front of others (bless him), but I could tell he was thinking “oh God, here we go.” Naturally, my one glass of ice-cold Sauvignon Blanc that I romanticized in my head turned in to 3 glasses of slightly cool, cheap ass Pinot Grigio, a trip at Lowe’s Foods on the way home to pick up a 12 pack of Truly, and a night of sliding all the way down my slippery slope. Long story short, I ended up awake until 3 am drinking Trulys like water, chain smoking cigs, and FaceTiming my friends to let them know the good news – that I was drinking again. Hooray!

Korey had his 2-3 beers like planned and took the boys to bed when it was time so I could stay up and “enjoy myself.” When I busted in the room at 3 am, I woke up Korey and the baby, and then spent the next hour puking. I woke up to a very disappointed husband and a foggy headed rush of anxiety on Easter Sunday. I got the kids in their Easter outfits, took some glassy-eyed pics, and headed over to my in-laws for Easter breakfast. I immediately started on the mimosas when we got there and continued on them until it was time to make the 3-hour drive home. I asked Korey to stop at the gas station on the way home for a roadie, which he was very, very less than thrilled about. This was the moment. As I was asking him to stop so I could get a roadie for the drive home, I thought “how is this the same person who was so whole and healthy on the same road driving to the beach two days earlier?” How did one decision for one glass of wine send me down this spiral so quickly? That’s when I finally accepted that I needed to go longer than a couple of months to figure out why this seemingly simple beverage had the ability to turn my life upside down so drastically, in such a short period of time. Here’s a pic of us on that Easter Sunday. Hurts my heart to look at it honestly.

I want to use this time to point out one very important fact, and that is that we are ALL on the spectrum of “gray area drinking.” The non-drinkers are on the white side. The classic, stereotypical, living under a bridge, begging people for change for their next drink are on the black side. EVERY SINGLE OTHER PERSON is somewhere on the scale. Some are further along than others, but the very first thing we must do is do away with this idea that you’re an alcoholic or you’re not. The criteria are vague, and this judgement associated with this label stops so many people from taking the steps they need to stop drinking or get help. Many people think as long as they’re not an “alcoholic,” then they don’t need to stop drinking. It’s absolute bullshit and this should be so much simpler than we are making it. Would your life be better if you didn’t drink? If the answer to that very simple question is yes, then you should do something about it. You don’t need a label or a diagnosis or anything else to make that decision for yourself. 

I can’t actually tell you how many times I Googled the words “am I an alcoholic?” or “how much drinking is too much drinking?” or “do I drink too much?” I’ve taken the quizzes online, read the articles, and I never had a clear answer. I could always find the answer I wanted to find to justify my drinking. I constantly compared my habits to those closest to me and I continually made it all okay in my head because I had the job and the family and the house and all the things I needed to be “ok.” Rather than Googling “am I an alcoholic” or something similar, I’d beg these questions instead:

• Have I broken promises to myself, my kids, my partner, or my friends? This includes things like saying you’re going to drive somewhere and then changing your mind and Ubering instead because you decided to have more drinks (yay for you for not driving under the influence though.) Saying you’re not going to drink during the week but then caving and having that glass of wine at happy hour or when you got home because it was a long day. Telling your kids you’ll have a game night at home but then staying at the brewery for an extra hour instead. Telling yourself you’ll only have 3 drinks at the party to stick to your diet/exercise plan but then saying “fuck it, I only live once, I don’t really need to lose weight anyway.” Telling your partner that you’re going out for brunch with the girls and will only be gone a couple of hours, then coming home 6 hours later. 
• Is drinking hindering my mental or physical health in any way? This includes loss of sleep, increased anxiety, decreased physical activity, making poor food decisions, or not reaching fitness goals because of drinking. 
• Am I fulfilling my highest potential or do I feel stuck? Do you feel like you could be doing more in your career, or you could be a more present and better mom/dad or you could be a better friend or could be starting that business you always dreamed of?

 If your answer to any of the above is yes, then it may be time to consider taking an extended break from alcohol. I know your first instinct is to feel scared or intimidated or like you’re losing a huge chunk of your life. I get it. There’s no real way around that until you take the jump and see what life is like on the other side. I promise you that you’re not missing anything and you are gaining EVERYTHING. I will talk in future posts about how to ease into this in a way that you feel most comfortable, but the first and most important step is making the decision to take a step away, and feeling confident and strong in that decision. 

Now is probably the time to talk about commitment as well. I suggest picking a period of time and committing to that time for complete sobriety, no questions asked. I suggest a full year. What I don’t suggest is adding any finality. For me, saying final statements like “I will never drink again” are a sure-fire way to confirm that I will indeed drink again. It’s like dangling a carrot in front of us – the minute we are told we can’t do something is when it’s all we can think about. If we change this mindset from “I will never drink again” to “I will drink if and when I want to,” then it feels more in our control. I can pretty much guarantee you that if you go an entire year without drinking, then those times you “want to drink” afterwards are practically non-existent. 

Some people may have an “ah-ha” moment, some people may have smaller clues along the way and take more trial and error. Either way, if you are even considering taking a break from alcohol then I would venture to say it would benefit you to do so. I urge you to take the leap even though it’s scary. There are plenty of communities and resources and support you can find to lean on (I will have a whole post on this too 😉). Don’t stress about a label or what people think – fuck what people think. Focus on yourself and praise yourself for doing scary things because you know in your heart that it’s the right thing to do. What is the downside? I can guarantee your life is not going to get WORSE if you stop drinking. It’s easy to stay in the same place, doing the same things and having the same conversations. It’s hard as hell to go against the grain and make an alternative choice to those around you. And guess what else? IT’S WORTH IT.   

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