If you had asked me two years ago what self-development was, I wouldn’t have a clue. I would probably guess it had to do with adding to your skill set like learning a new language or getting some kind of certification or taking a class at the local community college. Yes, all those things can be part of self-development, but there is so much more to this concept. Self-development is defined as “a lifelong process in which a person grows or changes and becomes more advanced through their own efforts.” Another way I have heard it described is a way for people to assess their skills and qualities, consider their aims in life and set goals to realize and maximize their potential. In my opinion self-development is a never ending, convoluted process of intimately getting to know your past self and current self, figuring out who the hell you want your future self to be, and then figuring out which pieces of your future self you’ve already got and which pieces you still need to acquire. This is an ever-evolving process because the future self we want to become will always be changing and growing. To some, this may seem daunting, like a race without a finish line. The idea here is to embrace the mindset of never finishing, always being a work in progress, and pausing to celebrate every victory along the way.

There are SO MANY RESOURCES in the world related to self-development or personal development. There are literally hundreds of thousands of podcasts, self-help books, documentaries, blogs, and communities built entirely around this topic. Because there are so many resources, it is (once again), easy to get overwhelmed. Similar to the fitness or nutrition worlds, the self-development world has a million different “gurus” who all claim to have the secret to a happy and healthy life. Let me let you in on a little secret – they all pretty much suggest the same things but may describe them in slightly different ways. The trick is finding your people and resources that you love and trust, as well as whose message speaks to you. I started a ton of podcasts and read a lot of books when I first started on this journey. When I found myself bored of something, I moved on. This is supposed to be a fun journey, not something you have to force yourself to do for 30 minutes a day (although some days it takes forcing yourself to do something).

There were a few resources I never got bored of and I always found myself wanting more. Those are my people. ‘You Are a Badass’ by Jen Sincero is a book that changed my life and kept me laughing. Her message spoke to me because I could relate and I didn’t feel any particular agenda being pushed on me. ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck’ by Mark Manson was the same deal. Both of these books brought topics to me that literally blew my fucking mind and I couldn’t wait to hear more. Andy Frisella’s ‘75 Hard’ program was a game changer for me as well because it was the first program I found that had real, tangible tasks and a literal map of how to develop the skills I was so desperately searching for (confidence, accountability, self-worth, etc.). My all-time favorite podcast is ‘Shots To the Dome,’ by DLDNation. DLDNation is the health and fitness coaching group I work with, and the podcast is hosted by one of their co-owners, Sean McDevitt. What I like about this podcast is not just the wide variety of topics they cover (health, fitness, self-help), but how they always bring it all together in to one meaningful general message that can be applied to any part of your life.

Self-development is going to look different for everyone depending on what that future version of yourself looks like, but I have a few suggestions for daily habits you can incorporate to help yourself get there. All these things on their own sound trivial but when you are intentional and obsessive over getting these things accomplished every single day, they add up to make a MASSIVE impact on your life trajectory and your overall level of contentment.

1. Manifestation techniques like visualization, positive affirmations, or a gratitude journal.
   1. Visualization is exactly what it sounds like. Close your eyes and picture your future self, whether that be a year from now, five years from now, or 20 years from now. What are you doing? What are you wearing? Where are you? Who are you with? How do you feel? Get specific on the details here. The realer it feels, the better. Spending dedicated time focusing on visualizing your future will not only help you get clear on where you’re going, but it will help you manifest that into reality if done on a consistent basis.
   2. Positive affirmations can be done in so many different ways. You can write down some compliments to yourself on sticky notes and stick them around your house or on your bathroom mirror and read them every day. You can record yourself saying nice things and listen to it when you need a pick-me-up. Personally, I have been relying on technology. I downloaded the Mantra app and programmed it to send me 10 positive affirmations per day. I can’t tell you how many times I have been knee deep in a stressful situation with work or the kids when I get a notification from my Mantra app and it helps me immediately shift my perspective. The one I got right before I started typing this said “You are a Powerhouse. You are indestructible.” Fuck yeah, I am.
   3. Many people keep a gratitude journal to document what they are thankful for. This has been proven to help overcome negativity by reminding you of all the good things in your life, even if you forget sometimes. Keeping a positive mindset can help attract positive future outcomes.
2. Practice mindfulness through meditation or breathwork. I highly, highly, highly recommend starting a meditation practice. I can pretty much guarantee if you’ve never done it before you’re going to feel silly and uncomfortable and like you’re doing it wrong. That is absolutely expected and normal. The trick is to continue trying. Find somewhere you can be comfortable and free of distractions. I literally sit in my closet, ideally when I am in my house alone or the kids are asleep. Maybe start with 5 minutes and work your way up from there as you get more comfortable. There are many apps you can download to help with your meditation practice. If you want a guided meditation, you can find
   plenty for beginners. If you just want a timer with some chill background music so you don’t have to listen to your kids screaming or your stomach growling, you can find that too. Insight Timer, Calm, and Headspace are three I have used and can recommend. You can also find guided meditations on Spotify. I am currently on day 12 of the ‘21 Days of Abundance Meditation Series’ by Deepak Chopra on Spotify and can highly recommend. He does a little intro in the beginning to the topic for the day, then gives you a mantra to repeat mentally before going into the meditation. Each episode is between 10 and 20 minutes. I also highly recommend getting a meditation cushion/pillow if you plan to make this part of your regular routine. Mine is a ‘Florensi’ and I got it on Amazon for $40.
3. Spend time outside. I used to say I wasn’t a nature person, but I don’t think that’s actually a thing. I think everyone is a nature person. You don’t have to like bugs and dirt to benefit from spending time outside. You don’t have to go spend 3 hours in the woods by yourself to benefit from time outside. Sure, some long hikes on the weekends may be nice, but that’s not what I am talking about in terms of daily habits. Go sit on your porch and read a book. Go take your dog for a walk around the block. Go in the backyard and kick the soccer ball with your kid. Go lay out at the pool. Just being outside, feeling the sun, hearing the sounds of nature, will drastically help you clear your head and put things in perspective. I always feel lighter (mentally) after I spend some time
   outside. Personally, I take a long walk outside every day. For me, this kills two birds with one stone because I can get my steps in and spend time outside simultaneously, but do what works for you.
4. Prioritize self-care. So many people, particularly women, neglect themselves. They are so busy taking care of everyone else that when it’s all said and done, they don’t have any time or energy left for themselves. Guess what? If you don’t take care of you, there is no one to take care of everyone else! Sometimes doing things for yourself can feel selfish, but you have to fight through that. Lean on whatever support system you have to do things that make you feel like your best self. Get your nails done. Get a massage. Get a facial. Take a bubble bath. Go to your Saturday morning yoga class. Go have dinner with your friends. Go to
   the movies by yourself. Sometimes, especially in the beginning, you have to be very purposeful about this time and these activities, or they will fall by the wayside. You have to prioritize fiercely. You have to plan in advance sometimes. My girlfriends and I plan our dinners a month in advance so we can make sure the kids and the dogs and the daily crap doesn’t get in the way of our time together. When something is important to you, you make it happen. Ask your mom to babysit while you get your nails done. Tell your husband he’s on single dad duty next Thursday because you’re getting a facial. Book time on your work calendar during the day so you can go to that 12:00 pm yoga class with the instructor you love so much. Set boundaries and stick to them. No one else is going to do this for you.
5. Learn. Read non-fiction books, listen to podcasts, watch documentaries.
   1. Books – ‘You are a Badass’ by Jen Sincero, ‘Untamed’ by Glennon Doyle, ‘The Fear-Fighter Manual, Lessons from a Professional Troublemaker’ by Luvvie Ajayi Jones, ‘Atomic Habits’ by James Clear, and ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck’ by Mark Manson are some of my all-time favorites. If you’re sober-curious I highly recommend ‘This Naked Mind’ by Annie Grace and ‘Quit Like a Woman’ by Holly Whitaker. If you’re looking for a book related to nutrition and overall health, I recommend ‘Hack Your Health’ by Sean McDevitt.
   2. Podcasts – ‘Shots to the Dome’ by Sean McDevitt is my absolute fav right now. So many topics and episodes and I haven’t heard a bad one yet. I am also a big fan of ‘Oprah’s Super Soul’ by Oprah Winfrey. Love me some Oprah 😉.
6. Stay hydrated. Drink water. Drink a shit-ton of water. Drink a gallon of water a day. This is going to be HARD at first, but you gotta do it. I could write an entire post on the benefits of staying hydrated. Maybe I will. But please just drink your damn water.
7. Get good sleep. This is another one where you have to set boundaries and stick to them. Many people, especially parents, feel like their evenings don’t really start until the kids go to bed. I get it. Sometimes I have to stay up after the kids to go to bed to watch one adult television show just to feel like I did something that I wanted to do today. BUT plan your sleep first. Try your best to get 6-8 solid hours of sleep. If you know your kid is gonna wake you up at the ass crack of dawn, then forego the tv show so you can go to bed at 9:00pm and get your 8 hours before they wake you up. People may give you shit for your bedtime routine. Let them. Korey and I have turned in to the people that go to
   bed at 9:00pm on vacation, unapologetically, because we are actually pretty obsessed with our sleep. We used to argue over who had to leave the party early to put the kids to bed, now we argue over who gets to leave the party early to “put the kids to bed.”
8. Get up early and create a morning routine. Think of the most successful people you know. Ask them (or Google) what time they get up in the morning. I guarantee you they’re awake by 7:00am at the latest and have a whole morning routine of things they do every day to get their day started. ESPECIALLY if you are a working parent, getting up early is the shit. As of now, Korey gets up at 4:00am and I get up at 5:00am most days. This allows us to have a WHOLE DAMN DAY of productivity before we even start our workday. We both work out, shower, eat breakfast, meditate, get our reading done, enjoy a cup of coffee relaxing
   on the couch, make the kids breakfast, get the kids ready for school, and get everyone where they need to be BEFORE 8:30AM! By the time I start my workday, I know that even if my entire day goes to absolute shit at work, I accomplished something today. I start every day feeling confident and motivated. Am I exhausted by the end of the day? Of course…. But see number 7 😉
9. Feed your body healthy food. I literally did an entire blog post on nutrition two weeks ago. Go read it. Feed your body healthy shit. It’s the only body you have and it deserves to be treated with respect.
10. Move your body. Same as above. Read my last blog post about fitness. You don’t have to have dedicated “exercise” time. Just move your body. Be active. Sweat. It’s good for you.

In closing, I will just say that the list above may seem daunting or overwhelming right now if you’re not doing any of it. That was me two years ago. My best advice is to not try to do everything overnight. If you wake up tomorrow and say “today I am going to start doing all these 10 things every day,” you will more than likely fail, and then you will more than likely feel bad about yourself and quit. Give yourself some grace. Take a couple that you feel would benefit you the most and add them in. When those become habits, add in a few more. It has taken me years to get to the point of doing all these on a consistent basis and I still lose some days. Focus on becoming 1% better every day and if you do that, those days compound on top of each other and by the time you realize it, you’re a completely different person, living the life you always knew you could.

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