All of this is to say that until I was a sophomore in college, I never even thought about exercise because exercise was built into my routine. I didn’t have to go to the gym or learn to run or do anything to purposefully stay in shape because my passion and the thing I loved the most in the world did that for me. This is the point in my life where health got really confusing. I was trying desperately to hold on to being “skinny,” but I had no idea how to do it and I felt it slipping away. It was then that most of the fad diets started kicking in. I spent hours on the treadmill and elliptical but had no idea what I was doing other than trying to burn off the calories I drank the night before. I was partying and eating extra-large Pokey Sticks (IYKYK) that wouldn’t fit through the apartment door at night, then trying to diet and do enough cardio to make up for it during the day. (Shout out to Gumby’s Pizza for feeding myself and my roommates from 1 – 3 am for all of 2006 – 2010). It was exhausting. This lifestyle continued for literally ten years. At some point, the dieting and cardio stopped but the partying and the eating didn’t. That’s how I found myself obese and unhappy and relying on alcohol to make it all okay.

By the time I had quit drinking and was ready to tackle the fitness part of my journey, I really didn’t know where to start. I loved the idea and concept of anything class related but the dancer/perfectionist in me found it very difficult to show up as I was and not compare myself to others. I was very overweight and had no self-confidence so the idea of going to a barre class with a bunch of skinny bitches was not my idea of fun (I know now that all barre classes are not filled with skinny bitches, but you couldn’t have told me that then). I felt ashamed and any time I tried a class, I ended up feeling worse about myself.

So I started walking. I walked 2-3 miles, five days a week. I didn’t time myself or try to hit any specific speed. I just walked the same distance every day and didn’t care how long it took me. I used this time walking as my time for personal reflection too. Most days I listened to inspirational podcasts. Some days I listened to music. Other days I didn’t listen to anything and just thought about my life and what I wanted it to look like. I’m not going to say that walking alone helped me lose the weight. It was most definitely a combination of lots of other things. BUT the walking turned me into a person who exercises. The walking helped me develop my HABIT of exercising. The walking turned me into a person who shows up for herself, no matter what, and puts one foot in front of the other.

Eventually I found 9Round Kickboxing and that’s still one of my main forms of exercise today. I had dabbled in kickboxing when I lived in Kansas City after college but got away from it when I moved back to NC. I had seen the 9Round gym near my house for years and thought about trying it but never had the courage to go in. In March of 2022, I went outside for my walk and realized it was pouring down rain. I don’t know what made me think of 9Round in that moment, but I literally just got in my car, drove there, walked in, and asked if I could try a workout. Turns out they were actually closed for lunch at the time AND you’re supposed to make an appointment for your first session, but the trainer welcomed me and took me through my first workout anyway. (Shout out to Jami for treating me with so much kindness and respect and going above and beyond to make me feel welcome). I joined on the spot and have literally been going to 9Round six days a week ever since. I am obsessed and highly, highly recommend it for people of all fitness levels.

Most recently, as mentioned in my last post, I hired a nutrition and fitness coach, and part of that has been introducing myself to strength training. I have always been hesitant to lift weights or really even do anything other than cardio for fear of becoming too bulky or muscly and not looking feminine. I am now learning that you can be strong AF and not look like a body builder. Lifting weights is a great way to build muscle, burn fat, increase your metabolism, and have more control over your physique in general. Strength training is my current focus from a fitness perspective, but I maintain my position that moving your body in any way has such huge benefits and the most important thing is finding something you love.

Fitness is similar to nutrition in that there is SO much information out there and it is so easy to get overwhelmed by all the options. It doesn’t have to be complicated. You don’t have to hire a personal trainer or pay thousands of dollars for someone to get you in shape. I’m not saying that’s not a valid option, I’m just saying that’s not the only option. The goal in the beginning is to simply move your body and make moving your body a habit. Maybe that means walking. Maybe that means putting on music and dancing around your house. Maybe that means yoga. The key is finding something that makes you feel good about yourself and something that you don’t dread doing every day. It may take some time to figure out what that is, but keep trying. You will find it and then you won’t be able to live without it.

I’ll end this with a note my 6-year-old wrote to me on my Mother’s Day project he made for me at school this year. This is now framed in my bedroom as a constant reminder of my ultimate WHY (yes, I sobbed when I read it). He wrote “I think my mom is the best mom ever. First, she lets me go out for dinner. I like it because it is good food and I like being with my family. Next, she plays basketball with me. This makes me feel happy because I always win. I love spending time with my mom. Finally, she lets me exercise with her. I feel loving because I get stronger with my mommy.”

THIS is why we focus on healthy habits – so we can play basketball and exercise with our kids and teach them about treating our body with respect. They are watching everything we do. This is everything.

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