I was around 10 years old when I first realized my body was bigger than some of my friends. I was in dance and our jazz dance that year was to Will Smith’s “Gettin’ Jiggy Wit It” (great song, great dance). Our costumes were a white crushed velvet leotard with cow print booty shorts, a cow print tiny vest, and some white boots. Apparently, the size I ordered fit me everywhere but my ass because I had to turn my shorts in for a bigger size. That was the moment I became aware of my ass and how it could be problematic for me.

My food habits have never been good. I have always eaten either too much or not enough. All the right foods or all the wrong foods. I have used food for comfort when I feel uncomfortable, for celebration when something great happened, for sadness when something bad happened, for stress relief when I had a rough day. I don’t remember a time in my life since I was 10 years old that I wasn’t very aware of my weight and trying to lose it. I have binged and purged. I have starved myself. I have eaten food in secret and then hidden the evidence. I have tried every diet you can think of – Keto, Dukan, Atkins, Weight Watchers, Whole 30, South Beach, Cabbage Soup, Mediterranean, Paleo, juice cleanses, Vegan, Vegetarian, Intermittent Fasting, WFPB (whole food plant based), macro counting, Slim Fast, etc. Many of these I have tried multiple times. I have tried the magic pills you see advertisements for on Facebook (LOL). I even went to a very expensive doctor where they gave me shots and 10 bottles of pills to take every day. I have read books and listened to podcasts and watched documentaries. I have talked to friends and family and therapists and strangers, even. I know many of you could say the exact same thing. We are told everywhere we look that we aren’t good enough and we believe it.

The problem with nutrition is there is so much conflicting information out there and every book/article you read or documentary/podcast you consume makes it seem like their way is the best and only way. Nowadays, there are even the weird pyramid scheme coaching groups on social media so people you know, love, and trust are begging you to join their team so they can “help change your life.” Everyone wants you to drink their Kool-Aid and it is impossible to know what’s true and what’s not. Most people (women specifically) are so desperate for a change that anything that promises quick and easy results gets the most attention.

The truth is that you must find what works best for you. It will be different for everyone. Of course, from a scientific perspective it’s easy to say what you can do to lose weight (calorie deficit), but if you don’t have the personality or lifestyle to make that program work, you will continue to fail. It takes trial and error and learning from those errors. It takes persistence and determination and never giving up. It takes constant self-discovery and self-development and learning about yourself. It is HARD ASS WORK and there is no quick or easy fix. The trick is getting to the point where you fall in love with the journey and stop reaching for a specific scale or weight-related goal. If you’re constantly chasing a number on the scale, then what happens when you reach that number? When you become obsessed with feeding your body the things it needs and treating your body with the respect it deserves, then everything else will fall into place. Maybe instead of chasing numbers on a scale, replace your weight goals with non-scale victories, such as fitting in a seat on a roller coaster, walking around a big city with your speed demon husband, who has freakishly long legs, without getting out of breath, running laps with your kid at their school laps event, or rocking a crop top with confidence.

How you come to what works best for you is going to take time and patience. My real, legit, quit it with the quick-fixes journey started a few years ago when I received some blood work back and my cholesterol was through the roof. My doctor basically said she was very concerned and if I didn’t get it down on my own within three months, she was going to have to put me on medication. Everyone has their own opinions on this but personally, I didn’t like the idea of going on cholesterol medication in my early thirties. This was a huge wake-up call for me that the choices I was making were impacting my health and if I didn’t take care of it for REAL, I was going to spend the rest of my life unhealthy and waiting for the moment something terrible happened.

My Dad had recently embarked on his own health journey, where he discovered Dr. Joel Fuhrman and the Nutritarian community. Now, he has very different health goals than me, but the general idea that he was promoting, I was digging. Dad introduced me to a few documentaries around Whole Food, Plant-Based diets/lifestyles that really struck me and targeted my cholesterol concerns specifically. “What The Health,” “Forks Over Knives,” and “Game Changers” are all excellent documentaries available on most streaming platforms if you want to check them out…. highly, highly recommend. This led to me pretty much primarily cutting out meat, dairy, and most processed foods for a while. Making these initial changes made me feel incredible. I had energy, I was sleeping great, I was having fun finding whole food plant-based recipe versions of my favorite foods, and most importantly I had a health-related goal with a focus that wasn’t weight loss. For the first time in my life, I was focusing on healing my INSIDES and wasn’t concerned about the scale or how many pounds I was losing per week. Guess what? Taking the pressure off and not concentrating on losing weight actually led to me losing weight without thinking about it! When I went back for my three-month doctor’s appointment, my cholesterol was back in the normal range (along with many other labs we checked) and I had lost a considerable amount of weight. My doctor was shocked in the best way. I didn’t stick with the strict whole food, plant-based diet forever but that phase changed my BRAIN when it comes to food and dieting. It changed my entire outlook and introduced me to eating and acting in a way that is good for my body, rather than eating and acting in a way that helps me lose weight and look a certain way.

The definition of diet is “the kinds of food that a person, animal, or community habitually eats.”  This word is supposed to be used to describe how you eat on a normal basis, but society has morphed this word into something entirely different, implying that you are “dieting” if you are trying to lose weight. That’s bullshit. Everyone is “on a diet” of some kind. Since my whole food, plant-based days, I loosened up a bit and added back in some dairy and processed foods, but was still primarily vegetarian. For a few years I stuck to this regularly (with a few good steaks thrown in here and there) and this worked for me. I continued to keep my top priorities of feeling good, treating my body with respect, and living a fun and active life. I continued to lose weight simply by focusing on my overall health and not weight loss as my primary goal. The weight loss was slow, sometimes only 3-4 pounds a month, but I kept trending in the right direction, and I was happy with that.

Since my mindset shift a few years ago and focusing on WELLNESS rather than weight loss, I have lost around 75 pounds. I am at a point now where I feel good in my own skin, but more importantly I feel good about my overall health. My insides and my mind. I feel like my body is mine again. I am now at a point where I feel like I want to push myself and see what else my body can do. A few months ago, I started working with an online nutrition and fitness coach. From a dietary perspective, that means tracking my macros to get the appropriate amount of carbs, fat, and protein every day. My goal now is to continue losing fat and building muscle. Not for the simple goal of “weight loss,” but for the purposes of pushing my boundaries, continuing to love and respect the body I am in, and getting stronger and more confident every day.

Nutrition is an ever-changing concept and everyone has a different way of meeting their specific goals. I share my story not to dictate how anyone should reach their own goals, but as an example of how one journey can look. The most important thing here is that mindset shift and learning to focus on health for a higher purpose other than weight loss. The number on the scale doesn’t matter, but how you feel about yourself does.

I’ll end this with a few examples of non-scale victories I have encountered over the past few years:

• Had the most INCREDIBLE, once in a lifetime two-week vacation to Hawaii with an action packed itinerary and hikes every day. Many of these very challenging but not because I was out of shape, just because they were meant to challenge me.
• Bought (and wore) bathing suits without an attached skirt
• Bought (and wore) SHORTS
• Went to concerts and sporting events and sat comfortably in those tiny ass stadium seats
• Took many trips via airplane and never once questioned whether I would need a seatbelt extension
• Bought clothes that I was excited to wear
• Ate loads of treats without feeling guilty or ashamed or worried what the scale would say the next day
• Lots of yoga classes
• Went kayaking without being embarrassed or nervous about fitting in the boat
• Spent literally thousands of hours outside with my kids running and jumping and playing all the sports
• Bought myself a baseball glove so I can play catch with my kid in the backyard (and give Daddy a break once in awhile)
• Went paddle-boarding
• Went RUNNING. Not walking, RUNNING y’all!
• Wore high heels without even considering the heel breaking
• Bought new bras and underwear. The sexy kind.
• Joined a kickboxing gym that I LOVE and fell in love with kickboxing
• Sat in the sand with my kids at the beach

 Ok I just realized this list could literally go on forever and ever. You’re going to have to trust me that living your life for fun and health rather than being a slave to the scale is the way to go.

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